I Absolutely Love Marriage

I Absolutely Love Marriage

I love weddings, getting all dressed up and knock down drag out parties, I love seeing the bride and groom run down the isle and pledge undying love to each other for a life time(at least at that moment). The cake, the champagne, the festivities. I love weddings. But I love marriage even more. Why, because callous as it may seem, these are the future punters of tomorrow.

Evil, I know, but I do so enjoy reading the wedding announcements, the same as some people read obits, I read these, look at the pictures of the happy couples, and wait….patiently, because whether or not he visits me, eventually he will visit someone. If he is smart, he will. Having an affair is messy, it involves emotions and it involves repercussions if caught that have many far reaching consequences. This is Ireland we are talking about. Nothing stays secret for long believe me. I do wonder if they even have a secret service. It would be impossible with the entire population of the tiny island being related in some form or another.

Today what drives the average Irish man to visit a whore, is the average Irish woman. As far a women go the Irish woman is a peculiar creature, now all of this is gleaned for casual talks with my clients about their relationships with their wives, girlfriends and such. They didn’t know I was taking notes.

Basically the general theme that recurs most often, is:

“Before we were married she fucked me six ways from Sunday, whenever I wanted, where ever I wanted, then as soon as we were married, that was it.”

“As soon as the first child was born, it was like I wasn’t needed anymore, she would have quite happily liked it if I had fecked off and just posted her my salary.”

“Yeah, sex is ok, the once a week I am allowed to get any, but it is usually the same standard missionary position.”

“My wife doesn’t suck my cock.” To be honest I don’t blame her, I wouldn’t be sucking it either if you weren’t paying me.

“I have been married for 20 something years, and can count on one hand how many times I have had sex with my wife.” This one is an extreme case.

Plus the laws governing divorce in Ireland are quite complex, it takes forever to get one, and then the man is in serious danger of loosing a great part of what he worked for. So in essence it favors the woman, and she knows this. Because once they are married it is actually ‘cheaper to keep her.”

There were always massage parlors around, but these were mostly in Dublin, so the country lads were not getting much in the way of fun until the advent of the internet, and the ladies started to move around into the hinterlands of be-nighted Ireland.

Oh but they have made up for it now. I have been in some places that can only be best described as hovels in the middle of no where. This isn’t the clients house, this is the tiny village with the one traffic light. This is where I have been called out to for an out call? Is that a dog I hear baying at the moon, or a wolf? Christ you just didn’t know what you were walking into. The door opens and low and behold, it is a bloody palace inside. Why the fuck would someone want to live out in the middle of the bush? Privacy!

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