The Crack

The Crack

Alcohol is like mother’s milk to the Irish, I suppose some babies were fed the stuff at some point in the past, as is evidenced by the amount of functioning idiots walking about the place. That or they put lead in the milk, whichever there is a lot to be said for sobriety.

Some cultures socialize around food, others around tea and coffee, the Irish it is drink. They drink when someone is born, married, divorces, dies, gets out of hospital, first communion, christening, debs, goes in and get out of jail, if there is a rite of passage, the Irish will find a reason to drink. A grand night out is to go drinking with the boys or the girls, passing out and forgetting what happened. Is there any wonder there are so many young mothers wondering about the place, and they will be the first ones to call me a ho. At least I get paid, and use condoms. They will do this not only on the weekends, but from about Wednesday onwards. Is it any wonder shit doesn’t get done, or is late in getting done? People are too pissed to function at their jobs. Surprisingly, this doesn’t seem to stop the game lads from giving it a go. The Irish are the only clients I will see when they are pissed, amazingly enough they can somehow manage to get the deed done being several sheets to the wind. I am sure if scientific tests are conducted they would discover that there is some a mutation of some genes in their bodies that allows them to consume so much alcohol and not fall over when most others would be in alcohol induced comas in the hospital on life support.

Not only do they love alcohol, the holiest of holys, but they didn’t waste anytime on getting a firm foot in on ladder of cocaine use. 98% of my clients are hard working, family men who just want to come in for a quick shag, with a willing, even if she is a paid companion. They want something different, they want a bit of loving and some fun. Now fun is a relative term, some gentlemen’s idea is having me change into different set of lingerie and a bit of Nutella in strategic places, others might want me to put on different types of shoes, and another still may want me to dress up in costumes. But there is one crowd who’s idea of a fun time involves lots of illegal and semi illegal substances. The top favorite of every’s ones list being cocaine.

Personally I can’t stand the stuff, it turns a perfectly nice normal guy into an egotistical white cornered motor mouth with pretensions of grandeur. Oh and did I mention that any sort of a hint of a hope of an erection goes completely out the window? But leaves behind the conviction that the dead will rise again, and guess to whom the task falls of raising said dead? Yours truly! I cannot tell you how many times I have gotten lock jaw, stiff neck and back ache, from trying to suck life into the ‘Limpest Dick on the Planet”.

I had a young guy come into me the other day, with a small white packet of some substance that apparently was, “Exactly like coke.” Well, to be honest, if it ain’t coke, it ain’t coke! Most likely it was just caffeine mixed with some amino acids, which is giving them the buzz. But it sure had him jumping out of his skin and acting like a complete idiot. But with the recession, everyone is looking for an inexpensive alternative, even the drug users. Which is causing the drug dealers to take up arms, or in the case of some head shops, fire bombs.

Luckily, the use of crack hasn’t caught on, and god help them is it does. Considering that as a whole nation there is a serious addiction problem, if crack cocaine were to take hold it would truly finish them off.

One example, I have a lovely young man who was a social worker at a rehab center. He came always late at night, and would be hopping around like a coked up jack rabbit. He was the guy, who worked with the addicts who when they came in to rehab, would take away their stash. Well, needless to say he wasn’t disposing of it in the correct way. Basically he was getting his drugs for free. It did make me chuckle.

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