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The Girl Friend Experience

Dear god how this term is bandied about. I have clients calling up saying things like, “I am looking for the GFE.” I sometimes feel like telling them, “I have my period, my back aches, how about you rub it for me and fix us a cup-pa whilst you are at it, oh and don’t forget to leave the money on the night stand on your way out. I am going to have a nap. How is that for your fucking Girl Friend Experience?! ”

What they really mean is they don’t want to feel like they have just paid for it. They want me to coo over their less than impressive manhoods, and pretend I have climaxed numerous times in great succession, because I am a wanton, brazen whore, who can’t get enough of mens cocks. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Their delicate egos can’t deal with the fact that I would much prefer that they dropped the money through the letter box and pissed off. I mean it isn’t like they aren’t used to this treatment already, it is how their wives behaves towards them now, isn’t it? She has the children, she has the name, the house(s), the car(s) the husband is really superfluous, pointless even. I think most married women would be quite happy if their husbands moved to the nearest leper colony on another planet. I mean seriously, less laundry to do, less cleaning up, and certainly less micro management and social engineering, oh and lets not forget his mother! That alone should put them off having him around. It is a total win-win situation all around.

When it comes to sex in my personal life I can take it or leave it. If I don’t have it I won’t start to break out in hives, nor will I pick fights for the hell of it. I will just grab one of my trusty pink turbo vibrators and have at it. Done, dusted, sorted. No fuss no muss, no messy clothes to clean up in the morning, no awkward conversations to have, no breakfast to make, no funky smells but my own. Brilliant!

This may or may not come as a surprise, but I really don’t like having men around me unless there is a specific need for them to be there. I find they clutter up my well organized space, and continually get underfoot in a way like nothing else.

That, and I generally find most men to be far too needy for my taste. They need feeding, clothing, cared for, sex, toiletries arranged, things mislaid found, and a host of other things I find tedious and time consuming. Who is going to do these things for me? So although I love my significant others, I prefer it that they live in other towns, cities and even countries if the truth be told. It makes for a bit more effort on my part, but when I see them finally I a genuinely happy to spend a limited amount of my precious time with them. Then I hop on a train, or plane, and disappear from their lives.

I will probably end up raising prized pure breed dogs. Crufts here I come.

4 thoughts on “The Girl Friend Experience

  1. It is obvious from reading this that your one true yearning in life is a loving relationship with a man, but you have been damaged and hurt so horribly that you take every opportunity to point out how unimportant they are – not unlike a secretly gay man that beats up and humiliates homosexuals.

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