Reviews, Or Revenge By Another Name

Reviews, the ultimate punter weapon! They like to wrap it in the cozy image of giving information to others punters so they can too can see what the lady was like, or if they got value for money, or if it was a rip off to save others the heartache. Altruistic and well-meaning, right?

Not on your bloody life. Most reviews are the ultimate ego boost or the ultimate blackmail tool.This is the equivalent of the alpha dog pissing up a tree and marking his territory. Some punters go on to have reviews in the hundreds. There is one that springs to mind, I will affectionately call him Mr. Puddy. Now assuming he isn’t reviewing every single punt, where the hell is this man getting the money to feed what can only be classed as a sex addiction? Or, it is his way of bolstering his self-esteem? Or who knows maybe this is actually his therapy? Don’t know, but whatever the reason, I do tend to find that most reviewers have their heads shoved firmly up their own or someone else’s ass.

Last time I looked, it was a personal act between two people, granted one is being paid, but it still is rather subjective and since; let’s be honest here, males and their beloved members are involved, things are prone to over exaggerated exceptions and a tendency towards delusional thinking.

His/Her interpretations:

I fucked her till she screamed/I screamed, because he was fucking me so hard.

Come suck my 8″ love sausage/I was searching for his dick in a thicket.

Whereas the escort has the power in the room, the punter can get his revenge with the pen. Whether the encounter was a good one or not. He ultimately has the power to write whatever he feels will show himself in a glowing light, or the escort for that matter. Ultimately the whole review system is one of blackmail, it places a certain burden on the escort to perform. If her reviews are great, she has the burden of every troglodyte coming in and expecting to get his mind blown. Never mind being the most self unaware of the bunch to begin with, it will completely escape him, that maybe the other encounters were great because the gents made an effort? This would require far too much thinking with the big head, so if the encounter goes badly it is the escorts fault.

Or lately, all this self-proclaimed member failure, I suppose it is the mea culpa amongst punters. I wasn’t really in the mood, but went anyway. No sweet cheeks your cock didn’t work, because you have spent far too much time beating the damn thing into submission, sitting behind the computer looking at the most extreme porn on the net, before the meeting to try to get your money’s worth. Your diet is shit, and your condition is even worse. It requires some sort of stamina to get it hard. When someone is knackered from walking 50mt to get to the door, needs to sit down and catch their breath, it is time to consider going to the gym. Sitting on your ass drinking 20 pints a night and eating chips with your fried toast isn’t going to work in your favor after a certain age, or realistically at any age. But compound that with the already underlying sexual issues, the economy is shit, the country is falling apart, they can’t browbeat the escort into charging less, is it any wonder their darling mickeys have given up the ghost?

But magically this is all forgotten, the failures of their member to perform lie at the feet of some poor escort, who after trying everything in the book short of shoving a firecracker up his ass, gives up in frustration and hangs her head in defeat. Last I heard only god could raise the dead, but again it is expected that with our arsenal of sexual techniques and magical abilities that mens dicks should rise at our mere entrance into the room. If only it were that easy. Some times it is hard work.

So enter his moment to exact his little revenge for his failure. The review. The moment when he resumes his rightful place in the scheme of things, when after shutting out the world he sits down behind his computer and assumes the title of god in his own deluded mind. And since we already know that god is omnipotent and he will and can do all things to whomever he pleases (Job springs to mind), and having a very selective memory, he exacts his wrath and revenge in the form of a nasty snide review, which ultimately speaks more about him, than it does the escort.

Thankfully had implemented a rebuttal system. Some of the reviews now make for delicious reading.

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