I Like Being A Woman

I Like Being A Woman

Most days I like being a woman, there is a week I would quite happily not be female, I wouldn’t want to be male either, I would be happy to be asexual until my period was over. Just being neither bothered by my hormones, or cravings. But that is another blog entry.

Why do I like being a woman, because sexually, the roles are pretty well-defined. I am on the receiving end of things. My buttons are located in easy to access places, right where I can see them, getting to them is usually pleasurable for all involved. Not too much muss, mess, or fuss.

Men on the other hand, have a prostate which is only accessible via a trip up the anus! Now for homosexual men, who are more self-aware and tuned in to these things, great. But take your average heterosexual male. To whom the very idea of anything going near his bum except toilet paper makes him gay, try having this conversation. Or worse yet, when the urge hits him and he indicates he wants something up there. The series of covert signals, nudges, winks, and head scratches makes me think I am at an auction. Can we say conflict?

It is amazing how many men want a prostate massage. Some want it and know it, others don’t know they want it, get it and like it, and others pretend it didn’t happen, never mention what happened, but are back in through the doors when you return to town. So, you can imagine how these things are approached. I have learned through a series of coded words and assumed positions what a heterosexual man wants in terms of when he wants something near the nether regions.

God forbid, he says outright what he wants on the phone, so I can be properly prepared. No, I have to bloody guess by virtue of reading the signs. The first sign is he enters, pays, strips, washes and hurriedly lies on the bed face down, with his bum slightly raised. Ah-yes, he wants a “massage”. By massage, I mean a prostate massage, and this in some cases has to be approached by virtue of stealth and subterfuge. A sneak attack, as it were, on his nether regions.

Being well prepared as I am, I always have gloves at the ready, even if he does lay face up. Because even when laying face up, the urge can hit, and the next thing you find is your hand being pushed down none to gently towards that end of things. No words have been spoken. Are you kidding, actually request it? If it isn’t uttered, it didn’t happen.

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