I Want It All, I Want It All, I Want It All and I Want It NOW!

I Want It All, I Want It All, I Want It All and I Want It NOW!

Lord, how many times have I heard this statement, “Are you available NOW!” Really, your dick starts to twitch, and the first number you come across, your intro to making an appointment, is to demand an appointment NOW! So, I take a deep breath and try to interject some reality into this persons obvious state of delusion. Because unless, he is a Time Lord, has access to the Tardis, has discovered my location and is actually standing in front of my door, or some how think I have a portable ho house that can pop up magically at his location, this foolishness of coming NOW, isn’t going to happen.

So, I ask a few basic questions, such as, where did you see my ad?  Have you seen the pictures? How long would you like to book? And what city/country/continent are you located?

Why the interrogation? This is due to being a globe trotting ho, and yes even with concise information in my adverts, such as location, length of duration at said location, and a host of other important info. Men can and do manage to get things slightly confused and think Canberra is Cornwall. See, I sincerely don’t think this would happen to a girl, we would not confuse our Gucci with our Gaultier. it is too important.

You would think the urgency with which a man wants his end wet, NOW! He would put a bit more effort into making sure I was located in the same town as he.

Domination by Numbers

Domination by Numbers

There seems to be some confusion. Let me explain. I am a professional Dominatrix, surprise! And as such, I do take gleeful delight in doing the most horrific things to clients for extortionate amounts of money. All with their consent of course. At the end of the day it is a game for them, and free therapy for me. Fuck anger management courses, kicking the holy shit out of some snivelling cretin works wonders for me. I do have to say I delight in inflicting unspeakable punishments on my subs. I have a dark side and I am good with it.

But of late there seems to be some confusion developing; along the lines of which, I have subs expecting to have sex with me! WTF! Am I to understand, I am to whip you, spit on you, pee on you, tie you up and basically trample all over you like a mattress, and then have sex with you? Only in fucking Ireland can you get this maggoty amalgamation of co-joined services.

I mean sweet Jesus, at the best of times, I need to mentally pull of some serious acrobatics to muster up the fake delight I need to get through a normal booking, then to have to switch mind sets mid lash is more mental acrobatics than I am willing to muster. That and the fuckers are all expecting this for the same rate as a GFE! Or my favourite is can they have half hour GFE, and half hour DOM! Do I look stupid the you?

This stupidness is a result of the recession. And the bargain hunting mindset, as in they want as much for the paltry pittance they can just afford. So, people who normally wouldn’t even give a Dom session a though are now wanting the whole singing and dancing light show, to feel they have gotten their money’s worth! Wrong female! What have I done, I have packed away my dom equipment and can’t be asked! Seriously, please! My advice now when some idiot has the nerve to broach the subject is this: Go home and get humiliated for free, I am sure you wife takes equally as much delight as I do in telling you what a useless cunt you are.

I Didn’t Know It Was Possible

I Didn’t Know It Was Possible

But I have found a place in the UK I absolutely hate being in more than Ireland. The West Midlands! If I thought the Irish demographic of clients was a horrible lot. Nothing to date beats the lot located in this part of the country.

Where do I start? Lets start with the overall cultural demographic. It is as if most other counties from a round the UK had encouraged, mandated, or forcibly remanded its ethnic population to Birmingham or Coventry. And for some strange reason some of them haven’t managed to integrate and still sound as if they are fresh off the boat. They have stock phrases they speak and that is about it, and of course your answers have to fit those phrases, or else the conversation grinds to a halt. I am wondering if they are doing this to practice their English?

And they all call hookers. My phone constantly rings off the hook, but very little business. I think they are doing it to break the monotony of their underpaid jobs. They are abrupt, rude, and cheap fuckers who are basically bargain hunting. I had one idiot, who told me he would give me xxx amount, I laughed at him, and hung up. They seem to think that they are doing me a favour, and not the other way around. Not to mention their accent grates on my fucking nerves. It is annoying, clipped and basically a bastardised version of a London accent. Which is equally as annoying. And the bastards are cocky! Which is the most jarring thing of all, unlike the Irish who are grateful for the fact you are answering the phone, however you answer the phone. These cunts seem to think they are jack the bloody lad. I would like to remind them, they are calling a hooker looking for sex, this doesn’t stand them high on the social totem pole. Bloody hell less than a week here and I am waxing nostalgic for Ireland! Jesus Christ!

Now my TS friend was making a small fortune there. Then the penny dropped, of course. Look at the demographic and look at what she is offering. She has an 8 inch penis, and a willing bumhole. I definitely don’t have a penis, and my bumhole isn’t so willing. So as she was being shagged to within an inch of death, I was having my hair done, having my nails done, having a pedicure, shopping, and praying for the week to be over so I could go to climes more appreciative of what I have to offer.

Why Am I An Escort?

Why Am I An Escort?

Oh I am sure you will expect me to wax lyrical and soliloquize about a higher calling to bring joy and happiness to the unfortunate and the loveless. Ahhh, well no this is not why I am an escort. (Spoiler Alert:) I am about to ruin the illusion of the nymphomaniac who can’t get enough of sucking men’s cocks. So if you are a delicate disposition, please stop reading now: You have been warned.

Now I am an escort, because it pays bloody well, and I have a disposition to not being completely revolted buy the idea of touching a total stranger in an intimate way. There I have said it. It isn’t because I MUST have cock, it is because I MUST have a decent standard of living, and will not obtain this as a wage slave, working 40 hours a week for a pittance. If I am going to get screwed, I will do so on my terms.

So in a way I am somewhat annoyed with all the activists who are insisting that what I do for a living is so bad that it needs to be eradicated, or outlawed. Which if I were to continue to engage in my current occupation would render me or my clients criminals. I have a problem with this strictly from the point of view, that as a grown woman with all my faculties, I am being told I am not making my own choices? That I am being I pimped, even though I have never had a pimp of any kind. And that I am must not be right in the head to not hate sex work? Why should I hate sex work? I would be seriously fucked without the work I do. I seriously wouldn’t have the life style I currently do, nor would my family. Not a good thing. I would be no better off than the trafficked women I keep hearing about, except I wouldn’t have the luxury of the title of trafficked as I am from this part of the world and am here of my own free will. This whole campaign hasn’t been well thought out. It is just too black and white, and as usual with zealots about any cause they are forgetting the gray areas in which the rest of us life.

Now some of you are saying there are women being trafficked into this type of work and this must be stopped, again if the raids that took place in Ireland and Northern Ireland in May are used as a test case for trafficking, then the figures are not adding up. Where are all these trafficked women? Since they weren’t aware that a visit was coming, surely they all didn’t just suddenly decide to go on holiday? Or maybe the PSNI and Garda, when to a different set of addresses from the ones the trafficked ladies work at? Who knows, but the 97% of the trafficked ladies Ruhama is banging on about just weren’t there. Someone seriously fucked that one up.

Now the fact that I do indeed bring an element of joy and happiness to some gents lives is indeed a bonus. In fact occasionally I really make a difference to some of the clients who visit me, and it is rather nice to hear about this in the form of a text, or email giving me an update.

Most of my clients are decent sorts who just want a bit of fun, whatever the reason, they are willing to pay for it with a professional, and not engage in starting another relationship which could be detrimental to their family life. Plus, they don’t have the added complication of me contacting them, as a lover would. Remember I am done with them as soon as they leave my door. Not giving them a second thought until their number shows up again in my missed calls list. Remember, I am a professional after all.



Power, a word that is bandied about lots these days. There are few people who have power in this world, the man who has everything, and the man who has nothing. Ok too deep a discussion? Then let’s find the middle ground. Moment of power. The dominatrixes out there will know of what I speak. That Moment, when you know without a shadow of a doubt, that if you told the sub to jump out of a window, he would gladly do it, and before jumping, would hand over his wallet to you with codes and passwords.

I absolutely fucking love this Moment. Only an orgasm over the lips of a willing sub is sweeter, but more on that later. You can feel it, I mean it hangs in the air with a thickness that you can taste, it is heady stuff, powerful, cant be rushed or pushed, it has a life cycle of its own. It is like a desert flower, springs into bloom, produces seed, shines for a brief moment, and dies. No 2 Momemts are alike, they are unique as finger prints or snowflakes.

But when you get one, you will know it, and I love the reaction it leaves the client with, they skip out of your boudoir, I mean SKIP, a grown man with a serious pep in the step, because he has been taken to the edge of pleasure in an unusual way.

Now that is what I call true job satisfaction. What other job can I do, when I have opportunity to make others this deeply happy?

Tips, Tricks, And Common Sense

Tips, Tricks, And Common Sense

Before the recession, I approached business differently, I was an artist of love, I was a courtesan, a temple whore to the great mother. Now with the recession, I can no longer deluded myself into thinking I am an artist or any such nonsense, I am a hooker and time is money. I need to get him in and out that door as quickly as possible with a smile on his face, because I have double booked. With the amount of TW in the business now, I need to maximize the customer base. Which means double booking and delay tactics. I have a series of off the cuff excuses to explain most tardiness for why someone has to wait 20 minutes extra. Anything from the landlord showed up unexpectedly, to the hot water is being fixed, to some times actually telling them the truth, that I am running over time.

One trick of the trade to get them in and out quickly is to not leave them alone to take a shower. Why you ask, what better way to last an entire half hour or more than cracking one off in the shower to take off the edge? Thus driving the poor WG nuts in an attempt to make anything happen. If after 15mins I see that the deed isn’t going to happen, I will do one of several things. Change positions, start to play with my toys and offer the opportunity for him to watch and play with himself. I mean for the love of god, my bloody arm is getting tired, and I am prone to tendonitis. This takes the pressure off me, and places the responsibility of him doing the deed, and redirecting things to a different scene that will hopefully get his porn riddled mind working. Or I will insert a vibrating toy up the nether regions(his). This can have one of two effects. Both desirable. The vibration will help get the prostate going and he will come, or the shock of having an object up the bum will prompt him to clinch and come. Which ever is the reason, as long as he gets there. Brilliant.

But before even getting to this point, you have to set the mood. Setting the mood, this can take may forms, for me it involves having my boudoir arranged in a fashion that allows me to control all aspects of the encounter from beginning to end. First rule of working girl boudoir decor, do no leave ANYTHING laying around that you may want later on. What I mean by this, is the clients will nick things. They will steal you knickers, they will steal your sex toys, they will steal your perfume, your lube and they will steal your condoms. So, if you want to have this item later on, remove it from your working room, or have enough extras to not miss a few things.

Lighting is necessary. No candles! Sorry, I know they set the mood, but trust me, the idiot client will in his nervousness end up doing something completely stupid, like knocking them over, or setting his coat on fire( explain that to the wife!). I use fake candles and lots of air freshener. Lots of dark colored linen stocked by the bed and small bottles of water. Warmed baby oil/lotion/powder, condoms, baby wipes, and baby nappy sacks.

Then of course there is the most important mood setter of all, moi. I have to provide the ultimate invitation. That is accomplished by a series of actions make-up, clothing, attitude. All of this is necessary to get the job done. With so many fake photos around, half the battle is won when the guy recognizes you are the girl in the photo. The rest is a matter of strategy and technique.

Most hobbyists will try every trick in the book to get something for nothing. They make it a study of escorts and are not afraid to use blackmail in the form of casually mentioning the feared-escort review as a bargaining chip to get more services from an escort.

My trick for this, is upon arrival, I let them know I have another booking and it would be in their interest to let’s get started so they can get the maximum benefit of our time together. No time for conversation to waste time before, and none to waste time after. I make sure I give them an excellent service, so there is no complaints. I usually have no appointment after, but he won’t hang about, for the simple reason, Irish punters have an abnormal fear of getting spotted by another Irish punter. I subtly make them access this fear, so they will naturally do my job for me, and bugger off well before I have to say, “Oh dear, look at the time, we had better start to clean up.”