I Want It All, I Want It All, I Want It All and I Want It NOW!

I Want It All, I Want It All, I Want It All and I Want It NOW!

Lord, how many times have I heard this statement, “Are you available NOW!” Really, your dick starts to twitch, and the first number you come across, your intro to making an appointment, is to demand an appointment NOW! So, I take a deep breath and try to interject some reality into this persons obvious state of delusion. Because unless, he is a Time Lord, has access to the Tardis, has discovered my location and is actually standing in front of my door, or some how think I have a portable ho house that can pop up magically at his location, this foolishness of coming NOW, isn’t going to happen.

So, I ask a few basic questions, such as, where did you see my ad?  Have you seen the pictures? How long would you like to book? And what city/country/continent are you located?

Why the interrogation? This is due to being a globe trotting ho, and yes even with concise information in my adverts, such as location, length of duration at said location, and a host of other important info. Men can and do manage to get things slightly confused and think Canberra is Cornwall. See, I sincerely don’t think this would happen to a girl, we would not confuse our Gucci with our Gaultier. it is too important.

You would think the urgency with which a man wants his end wet, NOW! He would put a bit more effort into making sure I was located in the same town as he.

Some Universal Truths About Hoing

Some Universal Truths About Hoing

 1. The minute you decide to de-ho, after sitting around looking glamorous all day and doing sweet FA, the phone will ring just as you are removing the last vestiges of make up.

2. After sitting around all day doing nothing, and finally you get a booking, during the time you are busy, you will have missed 5 phone calls all from regs, all looking to book with in the next hour. Men fuck in clusters.

3. The minute you decide to go out to do errands, no matter what time of the day, you will get a call from someone wanting to come NOW!

4. The client that pays you thousands, will take you to dinner, treat you nice, buy you pressies, asks permission to shag you once and tips. The one who books for he hour, and has to save for that hour, will shag you senseless for 58 mins, to get his money’s worth.

5. Clients will get the hump if you are running 5 mins late, but can’t seem to get why you are pissed when they book, confirm, and rock up 45mins late!

6. Guys with the he smallest dicks, always think it is bigger than it really is, and guys with big ones seem to think they are average.

7. The cutest hottest guy will come in for just a blow-job, massage, no sex!

8. The day you have the worst gas, will be the day everyone want to stick their finger, toy, dick, or tongue up your ass.

9. The day you are bleeding like a crime scene will be the day you get every large dicked client who books and stays for the full hour.

10. The day you are horny as hell, you will get every 80 yo geriatric travelling in from miles around.

11. Doesn’t matter the culture, the race, or the language. Men do not read profiles! They just don’t.